Survivor-Tired (a poem)

Survivor-Tired (a poem)

When I was tired before, 

It was babies waking me up at every hour tired. 

Now I'm survivor-tired.

Scar tissue and tenderness. 

When I was tired before, 

It was up-too-late watching fun things on tv tired.

Now I'm survivor-tired.

Is that ache I feel caused by something that needs a scan?

When I was tired before,

It was long full days running one million miles an hour tired.

Now I'm survivor-tired.

The hormone therapy robbing my body and bones too soon of youth.

When I was tired before,

It was my brain keeping up with the mundane tasks of work and family schedules.

Now I'm survivor-tired. 

Appointments and risk factors and prescriptions and MyChart messages and deductibles.

When I was tired before,

It was did I drink enough water and take my vitamins tired.

Now I'm survivor-tired.

Counting sleep and carcinogens and contaminants and nutrients and miles.

I'm tired to my bones.

The bones that creak together now.

The bones that also keep me standing. 

Bones built to endure.