Tips for Supporting Friends with Breast Cancer

Breast Cancer is on the rise, especially in younger women. There is a recommendation (by many, many organizations) for women with average risk to begin screening with mammograms at age 40 (American College of Radiology). Here are ten things I found helpful, which I wrote down so I remember, and in case you need to offer support to someone else going through this. (Of course, everyone is different, so know your person.)

1. My 37th birthday fell right after diagnosis. When I walked into the family party, everyone was wearing a "f*ck cancer" solidarity bracelet my brother had purchased in bulk. Knowing I had their support and we were fighting together made me feel loved and cared for. #familystrong as my Dad says. My husband Josh wears his bracelet every day and I love seeing my family wear theirs when we get together. Telling your loves one you will be with them every step of the way, and showing up, is the greatest gift. 

2. Everything about this diagnosis and treatment is exhausting and we need rest. The mental load, the consults and decisions, the treatments. Rest is good for our brains and for recovery and to sustain the fight mode. Thank you to everyone who watches my babies while I nap/rest! And for the cozy blankets, handmade quilt (!), cozy socks, and eye masks to block to light. We ended up staying at my parents' house for ten days following surgery so they could watch the kids while I got rest and it was the best decision for our family! My in-laws stayed for several days during the third week, too. Super helpful to have 24/7 care covered for the kids so I could take care of me and get rest.

3. A friend showed up to drop homemade sourdough bread one day, saw my disaster mess of a house, and rolled up her sleeves and started cleaning. Without saying a word. Simple acts that say, "I see you" are worth more than gold. 

4. Nourishment, especially with protein and comfort foods has been the best for me! Time is consumed with doctors, appointments, and stress plus after surgery you can't cook. I've loved the Give in Kind page my friend Heather set up for me, which has a meal calendar and also childcare calendar. Snacks, treats, hydration- icing on the cake!

5. Presence with me at doctors appointments. And taking notes in a notebook or phone for me! Someone gave me the advice to have a note taker and it saved me in the beginning because my processing was slow due to mental overload. 

6. Time with my kids, especially when I'm tired or physically can't lift the littlest one. 🩷 I've loved all the activities for the kids given to us, too. Have you heard of Land of Dough? Another friend brought this foil art kit and it was a hit!

7. Resources for my kids like the book, "Cancer Party," by Sara Olsher. If I end up having to do chemo, I will buy this doll port to desensitize them. In hindsight I wish I had gone over what post-op drains would be like with my three year old because she was terrified when she saw me with them.

8. Cards, check-ins, texts, little notes of encouragement. Telling me about all the octogenarian and nonagenarian survivors you know who are still going strong and thriving. 💪🏼 And telling me how now you will keep up on your own screenings. 

9. Cozy zip-up hoodies and button-up pajamas. These work well after surgery, with a sensitive port placement, and make things easier when our arms are sore and we can't reach and stretch over our heads. My aunt bought me a few new soft tops to wear that are flattering and cozy for my flat chest (or with my prosthetics) and I love them!

10. For after surgery: a body pillow (for car rides and kid cuddles), wedge for sleeping support, drain lanyard (my hospital sent me home with one but my mom bought me another for the shower), hoodie with drain pockets, cozy robe with drain pockets, books to read, show recs...

Bonus: Knitted knockers. Exactly what they sound like! Free knitted prosthetics for survivors. You can even swim in them! 

I hope you don't ever need this list. But just in case, here it is. I also want to mention the support of my breast cancer running group and the work I do with my therapist (who specializes in working with cancer patients) are big factors in staying positive, focused, and feeling supported. 

Xx 

Lauren